Synchronicity & Romantic Fate

by Gary S. Bobroff, M.A. (creator of & Jungian Therapist Online on Facebook)


“A certain power to alter things indwells in the human soul and subordinates the other things to her, particularly when she is swept into great excesses of love or hate or the like. ...For a long time I did not believe it. . . . [but] I found that the emotionality of the human soul is the chief cause of all these things . . . If he falls into a great excess . . . [then] he must do it at that hour when the excess befalls him, and operate with the things which the soul prescribes.” ~ Albertus Magnus (teacher of Thomas Aquinas, circa 1200-1280 cited in Aziz):


It is a function of the human psyche, especially among those who have a more romantic character type, to suffer from potentially imagining new partners to be the fated “Mr./Ms. right,” prior to really finding out who that person is–especially when there are 'fated' events, e.g. running into people randomly or in unusual synchronistic ways.  When synchronistic events occur we often fall immediately into presumptions that this person is a soul-mate etc...  and while this may be the case (and often there is a great deal of synchronicity at the beginning of a life-long happy partnership), synchronicity also occurs around and during harmful, painful and unsuccessful relationships too.  Synchronicity points to the presence of meaning, emotion and symbolic content that is important for us to understand—the ancients would say that it shows the presence of the Gods—but it does not indicate whether this presence is a blessing or a curse. 


Jung is insightful here.  He observed, as have many others (myself included), that synchronicities occur because of the emotional activation of the individual: “we observe them relatively frequently at moments of heightened emotional tension, which need not however be conscious.” (Letters, vol. 2)  While such incidents occur in meaningful ways, they are drawn into form by the presence emotional conditions in the person.  Thus running into someone, even in very synchronistic and seemingly romantic ways, does not add up to them being Mr. or Ms. Right.  We can draw to us all sort of folks synchronistically, none of whom may be our 'ideal partners.' Instead it points us to something that we can come to learn about ourselves.  What can we imagine that we have to learn from having drawn these certain folks, at certain times or in repeated patterns, into our lives? 


I believe the reasons that we do this will be different for each of us, pointing towards contents both conscious and unconscious that we are being impelled by.


In attributing to 'fate' the role of bringing us our 'right' or best romantic partners, we are giving away much of our power.  I say this with a continued belief in the idea of people who were meant to be together (I have many married friends who seem irreplaceably fit for each other).  However, in the course of our development, giving away to much of our power to the Fates, often reflects an abandonment of our own power to choose.  A kind of psychospritiual abdication of control of our lives occurs here in which our natural authority is given up. This quality our right and need to say no to some and yes to others is a necessity for entering into mature partnership, for saying consciously and truthfully, 'I does.' 


I believe that there is also a general theme which reflects the character of the Romantic here.  Archetypally, this abdication reflects the absence of the inner King or Queen, that quality which 'blesses' and places value appropriately.  The psyche of many romantics, myself included, is dominated by the opposite archetype that of the child (who enjoys doing with rather than for as the King/Father, Queen/Mother do).  There is a resistance in the child archetype to choosing consciously—we want to play rather than parent.  Going with the flow has its place, but it also reflects a refusal to stand up when it is needed, and often this is an on-going and regressive life-pattern.  The natural integration of these parts of ourselves is a movement towards completeness (not perfection), to including all the parts of ourselves, all that is our natural inheritance as blessed creatures, beings who reflect the whole wonder of psyche's pageantry.


(If you’re interested in this kind of work you can find out more about it in the Archetypes of the Feminine & Masculine workshop: &


There is a great deal that might be said about Synchronicity and Romantic Fate. In my experience, it is terribly difficult not to get swept up into assuming that a new relationship is fated and blessed when synchronicities abound.  This however is not always the case and I think it is important to discuss this especially in an era that is infused with New Age thinking that sees all synchronicity as a blessing. It is often much more complicated than that.


Very often we will draw potential mates towards us who will recreate our parental matrix.  As conscious adults, we have the choice (and duty) to say whether or not that person is healthy for us.   The romantic type very often draws people towards them that will recreate the chaos and drama of a chaotic, dramatic early upbringing.  The karmic work then becomes choosing to say ‘no’ to such an influence and we often have to do this more than once.   We must become the parent we didn’t have for ourselves.


Synchronicity can be seen to be pointing to the growth potential that you have through the relationship—but this growth potential may come from *leaving* the relationship, if that's the right thing to do especially if you can realizing something of yourself in the process.  


Synchronicity is not necessarily a blessing of a relationship, it only points to soul content, anima/animus content, archetypal pieces of ourselves that we need to reclaim, potential for growth and healing...  I have had this experience all of these ways and know that not every synchronicity is a blessing from Aphrodite.


What do you have to say?  What is your experience?