Oct 28/15 - participating in the Book Club with Elizabeth, et all on the life + times of St. Theresa of Avila...a truly engaging and wonderful opportunity and experience for me...to find virtual...deep soulful connection and conversations with others...[soul food]... this morning drawn back to this image...beyond the white - ice, cloud-like space into the way...the road around the good green earth...and I know the pink cove i[n reality is that colour for that water is toxic due to environmental contaminates]...as was my initial pre and post-natal time-frame.... And all I struggle...try to express is... what all that toxicity... inherent, bathing me at my core [the silver-lining suspended moments]...what happens to the spiritual essences of our beings... suspended [Mom + Me]...souls bathed in awesome, etheric, out-of-body space...while the body deals with the shock and trauma response...and we both are imprinted; blueprinted..in this monumental...my beginning...first God... lay me down...NDE..and I know these waters are agape love and I am gifted with innocence to sustain me for the remainder of my whole life...on earth...my mother returned and is with Him and I know the current detachment from the things of this earth...is paving my way back to my heavenly Father...where the peaceful waters flow...near the mansion...room and space...where all the agape love I have known on earth...awaits my return...home...to bath and comfort me...for the rest of eternity...God willing...in absolute trust...I be soulfully waiting for Him... to set me totally free...from my body, this earthly plane...and deliver me...to life everlasting..back to the peaceful heavenly cove...where I too can be totally - soulfully... free at last - Mom + Me...sharing that sacred space for eternity...at my next due time...in accordance to His plan and way...Amen.
Sept 5/15 - When I contemplate this image, knowing I am in an out-of-body, altered state...firstly what comes to me is the color and I focus on this colour I am overwhelmed by a very deep sense and feeling of immense comfort and care.
Then, my thoughts return to the memories of a nighttime revivification experience that occurred during my PhD program [1992 - 1996] - I have a journal entry...and I required decompression, debriefing treatment, care for I came out of this experience in quite the state with symptoms suggestive, inherent in post-trauma neurogenic shock/trauma responses...and so, I was attended to by my therapist/supervisor who wondered if my recall experience was in fact - "a current NDE" for this was her impression - that happened while in a deep sleep with me denying that interpretation and instead believing it was recall, revivification of a prior NDE [age 27].
And this is where I left all of that material ...until this February 2015 when I again entered phenomenal, profound out-of-body space/place and actually felt called, mobilized to do the Google+ Photo megamomentaries experiences [totally way out there for me and way beyond my comfort zone], but, I trust that there is a reason for all of this which is beyond me, so I collected the images from photographers from the Landscape community for my personal albums, plus Carter's 9 Themes of Grief [TOG] albums. Unfortunately, I had to shut that Goggle+ project down due to exorbinate internet usage costs I am currently limited by, however, I was able to establish all the photos in albums within My DPA Page - Photo Albums with the Privacy setting restricting accessible to my friends. I would like this to remain for my personal 4 SDMLB Healing Sojourns Albums #0 - 3.
However, the other 9 TOG Albums are for use by the community and I am hoping Bonnie can and will move these albums into the "Encountering the Numinous" Group. Waiting to hear back from Doreen + Bonnie.
Back to this image, that colour...In 1996, I painted the walls in my office [plus my colleague wanted her walls painted with this colour too], and for me, each time I reentered that space; I immediately felt a sense of deep warmth and comfort. A wonderful phenomenal feeling!
As I gaze upon this image today, I see that this image represents my Mother's abdomen during her pregnancy with me. I have a sense that I am submerged and safety protected in this pink amniotic fluid and I know that I am trying to express what I know to be true and that is... that this image is representative of the environment I was suspended in during my Mother's and my traumatic, breech - left footling delivery... where Mom was hemorrhaging near-death, there was no doctor, and so, the nurses packed us in ice....
As I again gaze upon this image, I now see the white next to the pink and I am, in this profound moment, being deeply affected - first visually I can see the pixel textures thickening in the image that almost looks like it is coming to life and I know this is enough, right now...and I am going to stop... for today....
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Oct 28/15 - participating in the Book Club with Elizabeth, et all on the life + times of St. Theresa of Avila...a truly engaging and wonderful opportunity and experience for me...to find virtual...deep soulful connection and conversations with others...[soul food]... this morning drawn back to this image...beyond the white - ice, cloud-like space into the way...the road around the good green earth...and I know the pink cove i[n reality is that colour for that water is toxic due to environmental contaminates]...as was my initial pre and post-natal time-frame.... And all I struggle...try to express is... what all that toxicity... inherent, bathing me at my core [the silver-lining suspended moments]...what happens to the spiritual essences of our beings... suspended [Mom + Me]...souls bathed in awesome, etheric, out-of-body space...while the body deals with the shock and trauma response...and we both are imprinted; blueprinted..in this monumental...my beginning...first God... lay me down...NDE..and I know these waters are agape love and I am gifted with innocence to sustain me for the remainder of my whole life...on earth...my mother returned and is with Him and I know the current detachment from the things of this earth...is paving my way back to my heavenly Father...where the peaceful waters flow...near the mansion...room and space...where all the agape love I have known on earth...awaits my return...home...to bath and comfort me...for the rest of eternity...God willing...in absolute trust...I be soulfully waiting for Him... to set me totally free...from my body, this earthly plane...and deliver me...to life everlasting..back to the peaceful heavenly cove...where I too can be totally - soulfully... free at last - Mom + Me...sharing that sacred space for eternity...at my next due time...in accordance to His plan and way...Amen.
Sept 5/15 - When I contemplate this image, knowing I am in an out-of-body, altered state...firstly what comes to me is the color and I focus on this colour I am overwhelmed by a very deep sense and feeling of immense comfort and care.
Then, my thoughts return to the memories of a nighttime revivification experience that occurred during my PhD program [1992 - 1996] - I have a journal entry...and I required decompression, debriefing treatment, care for I came out of this experience in quite the state with symptoms suggestive, inherent in post-trauma neurogenic shock/trauma responses...and so, I was attended to by my therapist/supervisor who wondered if my recall experience was in fact - "a current NDE" for this was her impression - that happened while in a deep sleep with me denying that interpretation and instead believing it was recall, revivification of a prior NDE [age 27].
And this is where I left all of that material ...until this February 2015 when I again entered phenomenal, profound out-of-body space/place and actually felt called, mobilized to do the Google+ Photo megamomentaries experiences [totally way out there for me and way beyond my comfort zone], but, I trust that there is a reason for all of this which is beyond me, so I collected the images from photographers from the Landscape community for my personal albums, plus Carter's 9 Themes of Grief [TOG] albums. Unfortunately, I had to shut that Goggle+ project down due to exorbinate internet usage costs I am currently limited by, however, I was able to establish all the photos in albums within My DPA Page - Photo Albums with the Privacy setting restricting accessible to my friends. I would like this to remain for my personal 4 SDMLB Healing Sojourns Albums #0 - 3.
However, the other 9 TOG Albums are for use by the community and I am hoping Bonnie can and will move these albums into the "Encountering the Numinous" Group. Waiting to hear back from Doreen + Bonnie.
Back to this image, that colour...In 1996, I painted the walls in my office [plus my colleague wanted her walls painted with this colour too], and for me, each time I reentered that space; I immediately felt a sense of deep warmth and comfort. A wonderful phenomenal feeling!
As I gaze upon this image today, I see that this image represents my Mother's abdomen during her pregnancy with me. I have a sense that I am submerged and safety protected in this pink amniotic fluid and I know that I am trying to express what I know to be true and that is... that this image is representative of the environment I was suspended in during my Mother's and my traumatic, breech - left footling delivery... where Mom was hemorrhaging near-death, there was no doctor, and so, the nurses packed us in ice....
As I again gaze upon this image, I now see the white next to the pink and I am, in this profound moment, being deeply affected - first visually I can see the pixel textures thickening in the image that almost looks like it is coming to life and I know this is enough, right now...and I am going to stop... for today....