DreamTending and the Global Dream Initiative: Dr. Douglas Thomas with Bonnie Bright PhD
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The amount of travel is a concern to me. Beginning in my early twenties I started bicycling ( touring) from Boise to Portland Oregon each summer. I'd give myself about a week going through eastern and central Oregon ( where I had relatives all of who are dead now). That gave me time to tend my own dreams and form a relationship with myself. It was a start. The carbon"footprint" travel leaves is rarely spoken of. That's because "jet set" travel and fast cars are part of the "hip slick and cool" plus it's not practical to bicycle everywhere though I endeavor to this day. When I wrote this poem/prose I wrestled with the ending a bit. Now 8 years later I can see the struggle with my parents fighting was another example of the warring opposites that not only threatened to tare me apart way back when but also the tension which continues to this day. My solution back then was pretty intuitive ( if I don't say so myself). With the expectation of too much sunscreen I think I got "it" pretty right. I saw a picture recently of the big red head Bill Walton bicycling through northern California. Old Walton was on to something as well.
Scared... I don't know what to do with my life. So I'm wandering.
A bit of an athlete I peddle my ten speed from Boise, Idaho through eastern Oregon
to meet my Uncle and his Indian (Native American) wife "Marsha"
They are surprised to see me particularly on a bicycle
Marsha cooks me up a hearty breakfast
as Reed and I talk about family
They can see I'm frustrated and filled with angst
but they are kind... a hallmark of my Mom's family
They are kind hearted and caring people.
Reed calls Marsha his Squaw as he tells me
about salmon fishing on a remote ranch nearby
The John Day river makes its way through this part of the world. Cecil Andrus former Secretary of the Interior
and Governor of Idaho has a family ranch nearby. My Uncle longs for a ranch of his own
but our family is out of the ranching business.
we're sitting in the back of the pickup in cheap aluminum chairs
sipping on beers we're a bit tipsy
our defenses are down
headed from John Day to his tavern in Long Creek
I pretend I'm taking a snooze but I'm mostly feeling afraid
afraid of my future, my worth...my essential value as a human being.
What am I doing on this planet? I've had it pretending
pretending to please others. pretending to be someone I'm not
I reach my hand to put it on my Uncles knee in a gesture of kindness and camaraderie
My uncle immediately grabs my hand and puts his arm around my shoulder
He says: " I love you" and " don't you ever forget it"
as if to emphasize his point he says emphatically once again:" don't you ever forget it"
Now I think about that day so long ago and realize
I still have no dough or special gifts
My daughter is my only legacy and I've tried to give her the same message
It's so little but it's all I've had
My Mom and Dad were sad
because they couldn't get past their fighting
I don't figure I've been much better
but I've fought perhaps foolishly
to find a way to hold on
to that love.
2008
JR